I'm a Writer As a painfully shy and quiet third grader, I read my little red pocket dictionary at recess and snack time for fun. Big words fascinated me. Who invented these words? How did they decide what they mean? How did you use the word idiosyncratic in a sentence and it seemed like you always wanted to use that word? One tall, lanky sixth grader wrote about the life and function of algae, while everyone else wrote about the history of the telescope or the difference between sharks and whales. With a vocabulary sheet attached that showed I knew the meaning of the words used, I passed the test and the teacher had me read it to the class. Although completely impressed, my class fell asleep before the third page. Even though I looked like a genius, I stood out and that was my intention. B's dreaded 10th grade essay caused everyone to lose a letter grade and a sense of sanity. I read Walden to discuss why Thoreau chose to live in his little shack on the pond. That book would shape my life one day, but I had no idea yet. Mr. B thought the book and the topic might still be a little too difficult for me. I got an A+ while the two "smart kids" got Bs and C+s. They had received nothing but As throughout school. Now, I was a contender after all. Mr. B never granted As, let alone the much-needed golden + that followed him. Suddenly, I had potential. But then, I sat in my senior year English class, hunched over and with a slight misty look on my eyes. I chose the regular section instead of the honors section, thinking that I just had to do well enough, but that honors English would be meaningless extra work because I would only need to take a couple of English classes in college, and then finally it would be finished. English lessons continued every year from first grade. I knew how to construct a theme, and the rhythm of iambic pentameter, and what a gerund was. Enough! I wanted a break. The University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth, and the University of Southern Maine were calling. In reality, they simply had rolling admissions. Somehow all the other deadlines had slipped past me due to this intense fear of failure within me. I prepared to join the army, just in case.