It is not uncommon for the pain of physical trauma to transcend into mental trauma as well. This can be seen in Alice Sebold's memoir Lucky, in which she describes the aftermath of a brutal rape. Although she was physically injured by the man who attacked her, she had to deal with the mental turmoil of the event years after her injuries had healed. The physical act of rape caused a complete change in her worldview, as exemplified by the change in her relationships, her speech, and her definition of virginity. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get an Original Essay The physical trauma Sebold suffered as a result of the rape is undeniable, as she was violently attacked by Gregory Madison. In the memoir's opening pages, she describes the attack in exacting detail, writing how "he reached out and grabbed the end of [her] long brown hair" and she felt it "painfully coming out of [her] skull" ( Sebold 5). Every time she thought she had escaped, he reacted with even more aggression than before. For example, after dropping the knife, he “sat on [his] back” and “slammed [his] skull into the brick” (Sebold 6). She “lost consciousness” for a moment when “he wrapped his hands around her neck and began to squeeze her” (Sebold 6). It is clear that before the rape even began, her body was already under enormous stress. The physical pain was only amplified after he began to sexually assault her, as she describes how "something tore" inside her and she "started to bleed there" (Sebold 9). The physical nature of the trauma can be further seen when she is attended to by medical professionals, and the doctor tells the nurse that "there is so much blood" (Sebold 18). Additionally, the doctor has to put stitches in her and tells her that “she will be sore down here for a few days, maybe a week” (Sebold 18). His mental stress at this time is clear as he is unable to think about the temporary physical pain he will face. Hearing the doctor's words, he explains that he "could not think in terms of days or weeks" and "could only focus on the next minute and believe that each minute would get better" (Sebold 18-19). His perception of time is altered and he is unable to think about the future as his only priority is survival. Once doctors treat Sebold's physical wounds, he begins to consider how to return his life to normal. First, he focuses on his relationships with his friends and family. Because she has always cared for her mother, she tries to protect her since she “told the police not to call her” (Sebold 19), going against her own interests. Sebold wishes to “hide the rape from her and my family” because his “mother had panic attacks in heavy traffic” and Sebold “was certain that [his] rape would destroy her” (Sebold 19). However, it is inevitable that Sebold's relationship with his mother will be affected by the rape, as she will eventually have to call her and ask for help. The change in the dynamic of their relationship is seen when Sebold asks, "can you come get me, mom?" (Sebold 26), returning to an almost infantile state. Unusually, her mother is calm in a moment of crisis and tells her daughter “it'll be twenty minutes or so” because “she had to pack and check out, but she'd be here” (Sebold 26). Furthermore, upon her arrival, Sebold notes that, “within seconds, [she] saw that [her] mother, who [she] expected would collapse, had the kind of new energy needed to get [her] through the rest. of that day” (Sebold 30). Sebold juxtaposes this chapter on returning home with oneentirely dedicated to her childhood and upbringing, which effectively conveys the contrast between her relationships before and after the rape. Specifically, he discusses his relationship with his mother by referencing a disastrous trip to New York they took together. As Sebold's mother has a panic attack in the backseat of a taxi, Sebold calms her by saying, “We'll come another time, Mom…it's all right” (Sebold 47). After her rape, their roles must be reversed and Sebold reluctantly abandons his position as caretaker. Similarly, Alice's father changes his behavior to comfort her. Despite his typically distant attitude towards his family, he embraces her when she enters their home, which Sebold describes as “awkward” and “unsuitable” (Sebold 50). Sebold writes that she doesn't "remember him saying anything to her" (Sebold 50). He explains: If he had said, "Oh, honey, it's nice to have you home" or "Alice, I love you," it would have been so unusual that I think I would have remembered it, but maybe I don't know. I don't remember it for this very reason. I didn't want new experiences. I wanted what I knew, the home I had left that fall for the first time in my life and the father I recognized. (Sebold 50)This interaction conveys Sebold's desire to carry on as if nothing had happened and his father's inability to do so. It is likely that her father spoke to her more tenderly than usual, but she refused to accept his change in personality. Her state of denial about the changes in her life speaks to the mental trauma she is facing as a result of her rape. Another way she tries to manage her mental and emotional trauma is through her speech, especially when she talks about the rape. with others. Typically, trauma is associated with the complete inability to speak following an event. However, Sebold takes the opposite approach and speaks openly about her rape, even when it makes others uncomfortable. For example, in her first interaction with her father after the rape, she makes a vulgar and inappropriate joke about the event. She justifies it by saying, “To an outsider this might seem terrible; for my father…and for my mother…both shocked them and meant only one thing: the boy they knew was still there” (Sebold 51). This can also be seen in her conversation with Myra, when she abruptly interrupts the woman to say, “I was raped” (Sebold 68). When Myra responds, “I know,” Sebold continues, “I needed to say that word… It's not 'that thing that happened to me,' or 'the attack,' or 'the beating,' or 'that.' I think it's important to call it what it is” (Sebold 68). Sebold is direct and unapologetic, which shows in her healing process. She also uses her writing as a coping mechanism. This can be seen in the poem she writes for her laboratory course, which gave her the opportunity to “address the rapist directly” (Sebold 100) for the first time. Additionally, Sebold uses her novel The Lovely Bones, which deals with similar topics, and her memoir to further explore her feelings about her rape. One of Sebold's biggest mental battles after the rape is based on her status as a virgin. Her initial loss of innocence is seen in her likening undressing to "scattering feathers" (Sebold 8) when her rapist sees her naked body for the first time. She tries to defend herself from him by repeating the fact that she is a virgin, but that doesn't affect him until she's finished and he says, “It's not right what I did. You're a good girl. You weren't lying to me. I'm sorry for what I did” (Sebold 13). Although his apology is naive and out of place, it shows the importance of virginity in their society. Sebold's loss of virginity does 243).